Monday, March 10, 2008


Losing someone is one of the worst feelings that we have to experience. It's even worse when it's a conscious choice.
Due to things that i'm not going to explain here, I had to make that choice, and it'll always haunt me. It's haunting me right now, every moment of the day.

I have to figure out how to do this, or that choice will be in vain. I have to jump into things that I have to do. I have to make myself better.

Friday, March 07, 2008

Status Update: DAVE, Artrage and bills...

Its been a long time, and I'm at work, so I'll cut to the chase.

Here's where I stand in my pursuits to be a CG Rockstar akin to the glamor and prestige of Steve Jobs:

My recent application for Sallie Mae financial aid to go to the Digital Animation and Visual Effects (DAVE) school have been less than fruitful, to put it lightly, so it looks like I won't be attending anytime soon. This pretty much blows, because not only does it throw off my momentum, but it's been a major hit to my ego and self-esteem. I still feel like this is my future, and this is a sizable obstacle to overcome. Unfortunately, it's one that I haven't figured out how to address yet.

Because of all this, I'm trying to keep myself motivated by continuing to learn Lightwave, cg theory, color theory and related techniques... I still have so much to learn, and while self-study will only get me so far, it's still progress.

To improve my understanding in color theory, lighting, and composition, I'm taking a more traditional approach. A while ago, I purchased Artrage by Ambient Design and a new Wacom tablet. I'm trying my hand at painting, as it will force me to pay more attention to detail when it comes to lighting and color theory. I've impressed myself so far with what I have been able to achieve, but I'm not going to let that get to my head. I can always get better... Once I've completed, or at least made significant progress with a piece, I'll post it here, along with what I was trying to achieve or focus on, as well as the style and any other thoughts I may have.

In completely different news, but still relating to self-esteem and ego, crappy financial situations blow. In the past month, I've had to spend $750 on my car, an extra $400 on my phone/phone bill, run up my credit card, and dig for change. I'm not the most financially stable person, but I've usually been good about keeping things in check. Because of seemingly random unfortunate events, I've felt pretty much strapped, and not wanting to do anything, art related or not. But after some good counseling from priceless, irreplaceable loved ones, I think I'm on the road to mental recovery from the blow I took, and moving forward.

Slowly, but surely.

More to come.