Inspiration

I guess it's no surprise that pretty often my emotions get the better of me. The best of me, some would surely say. Well, in spite of my best efforts, I'm a pretty emotional guy. Something happens, and instantly it effects every part of my life. Sleep, how I eat, how I function at work, my ability to concentrate and rationalize are all compromised. It's interesting that I see myself this way, because someone very close to me one said that she couldn't tell what I was feeling at times. I feel like I wear my emotions on my sleeve, and that's not a very good virtue. Men are supposed to be stoic, unyielding in their resolve, yet if something hits me hard enough, I turn into a blabbering idiot, turning into a monster who says and does things that I abhor, or a gutless wretch, unable to form a single coherent sentence. 

I used to be much better about this. When I was upset, I'd just jump 

on the computer and start doing some artwork to take my mind off things. Recently, it's been increasingly hard to do so. My muse isn't there, and nothing flows. 

Seeing as art is the one productive thing that I do in my free time, i've been forcing myself to do it, and it's yielded some interesting, and unexpected results. Much art is fueled by emotion, I suppose, so it's appropriate that if it's dark in my mind, that may come out in my pieces. I'm working on a few pieces right now that make me think that, and as I look at them, I'm almost ashamed that I'm creating them. They stand for something that I don't stand for. I got to a milestone on one of them and thought, "This isn't me..." to myself. But because of the fact that it's one of the better pieces i've done, I can't bring myself to stop working on it until it's done. 

Besides there just being a lot of pills (and more to come) in the picture, there actually is a point to it. I dunno, hopefully things will make more sense, or start working out the way they should soon, because I don't want to use my only outlet to make things I'd be ashamed to show people.

A Blog A Day

For the sake of others, and for my own, I'm going to try to write a blog a day. I have never been very good about keeping a journal, but hopefully this will change. I just have to try to find out what to write about.

This past weekend was mostly good. I spent some good time with good friends who wouldn't let me be alone for too long at a time, else I'd start thinking about things that would hurt the mood and throw me into a depression again.

Jane and Kevin have been fantastic friends during this low point. Jane has been very good to me over the years, and it's good to have someone that cares for me so much back from her travels and local. Kevin has surprised me very much. I met him once years ago, and now that he's living in Stamford as well, he's been very good and calling me even when Jane isn't around, just to see how I'm doing. I've never been very close to guys, but Kevin is a great guy. He's someone that I can talk to, that doesn't try to throw the whole, "We're Dudes! Dude's don't have feelings! We're Butch and Spit and Fart and Belch and Check Women Out" mentality that I hate so much. They're good people, and I'm glad that I have them in my life.

I'm going to have dinner with my old friend Amy from my Umass days today. Amy's always been a sounding board for me, and me for her. She lives a few towns over, but we try to stay in touch as much as we can, even though I've been neglecting her a bit in recent months. Amy's family has been great to me as well over the years. Her mother said that anytime I would like Korean food, feel free to drop by. I wish I took more advantage of that over the years.
Hopefully, Amy and I can spend more time together, as she's been absolutely fantastic to me in the past.

Much to the dismay of my real hobbies, art and music, I've found a new one. Ladies and Gentlemen, Guitar Hero II is addictive. Those who are not READY TO ROCK need not apply.
With a great soundtrack, fun and colorful visuals, a guitar controller, dueling guitar functionality, and 'Tilt the Guitar to activate your super star rock out power' function, it's a good time for everyone. I picked it up last week, and showed it to my roommate, who immediately went out and got his own axe as well as Guitar Hero II: Rock the 80's for his daughter.

Check out this set list:

1. Opening Licks

• "Shout at the Devil" – Mötley Crüe
• "Mother" – Danzig †
• "Surrender" – Cheap Trick
• "Woman" – Wolfmother
• "Tonight I'm Gonna Rock You Tonight" – Spinal Tap † (Encore)

2. Amp-Warmers

• "Strutter" – Kiss †
• "Heart-Shaped Box" – Nirvana
• "Message in a Bottle" – The Police
• "You Really Got Me" – Van Halen^[3]
• "Carry on Wayward Son" – Kansas (Encore)

3. String-Snappers

• "Monkey Wrench" – Foo Fighters
• "Them Bones" – Alice in Chains
• "Search and Destroy" – Iggy Pop and the Stooges
• "Tattooed Love Boys" – The Pretenders
• "War Pigs" – Black Sabbath (Encore)

4. Thrash and Burn

• "Cherry Pie" – Warrant
• "Who Was in My Room Last Night?" – The Butthole Surfers †
• "Girlfriend" – Matthew Sweet †
• "Can't You Hear Me Knockin'" – The Rolling Stones †
• "Sweet Child o' Mine" – Guns N' Roses (Encore)

5. Return of the Shred

• "Killing in the Name" – Rage Against the Machine
• "John the Fisherman" – Primus
• "Freya" – The Sword
• "Bad Reputation" – Thin Lizzy
• "Last Child" – Aerosmith † (Encore)

6. Relentless Riffs

• "Crazy on You" – Heart
• "Trippin' on a Hole in a Paper Heart" – Stone Temple Pilots
• "Rock This Town" – Stray Cats
• "Jessica" – The Allman Brothers Band †
• "Stop" – Jane's Addiction (Encore)

7. Furious Fretwork

• "Madhouse" – Anthrax
• "Carry Me Home" – The Living End
• "Laid to Rest" – Lamb of God †
• "Psychobilly Freakout" – Reverend Horton Heat
• "YYZ" – Rush (Encore)

8. Face-Melters

• "Beast and the Harlot" – Avenged Sevenfold
• "Institutionalized" – Suicidal Tendencies †
• "Misirlou" – Dick Dale
• "Hangar 18" – Megadeth
• "Free Bird" – Lynyrd Skynyrd † (Encore)

Bonus Tracks

• "Raw Dog" – The Last Vegas (Winner of the "Be a Guitar Hero" Contest)
• "Arterial Black" – Drist †
• "Collide" – Anarchy Club
• "Drink Up" – Ounce of Self
• "Elephant Bones" – That Handsome Devil
• "Fall of Pangea" – Valient Thorr
• "FTK" – Vagiant
• "Gemini" – Brian Kahanek †
• "Laughtrack" – The Acro-brats †
• "Less Talk More Rokk" – Freezepop †
• "Jordan" – Buckethead
• "Kicked to the Curb" – Noble Rot
• "Mr. Fix It" – The Amazing Crowns
• "The New Black" – Every Time I Die
• "One for the Road" – The Breaking Wheel
• "Parasite" – The Neighborhoods
• "Push Push (Lady Lightning)" – Bang Camaro
• "Radium Eyes" – Count Zero
• "Red Lottery" – Megasus
• "Six" – All That Remains
• "Soy Bomb" – Honest Bob and the Factory-to-Dealer Incentives †
• "The Light That Blinds" – Shadows Fall
• "Thunderhorse" – Dethklok
• "Trogdor" – Strong Bad †
• "X-Stream" – Voivod
• "Yes We Can" – Made in Mexico

A few songs of note are Free bird, and Trogdor, Yes, TROGDOOOOOOR by Strong Bad.

The ability for one player to play lead guitar and the other to play rhythm guitar, or one to play guitar and the other to play bass, makes for a fun time. I think the most fun that I've had was when my roommate (who's a pretty big, jacked guy), picks up the tiny guitar controller that looks like a ukelele to him, and rocks out to Mother by Danzig and sings along.
I'm waiting for Rock Band to drop in November as well though.

I don't know what the rest of my week is going to look like, but I have to keep busy. I threw on LW again last night and modeled something for my everything but forgotten story. I have to really force myself to get back into that, because as someone at the NYC Lightwave Group said, "If you don't do it, someone else will. Then where will you be?"